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I (Never) Want To Be Left Alone

by Routine Fuss

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1.
Starting over for the second time, this is the one that counts, this is the one that sticks Ripping my phone out of my hands You can begin to see The cracks behind the sheen You can begin to hear A voice that’s full of fear Don’t pull away Don’t double down The hardest part Is checking out Start over for the second time, this is the one that counts, you told everyone you know Ripping my brain out of my skull And I can’t do this on my own, I got 15 minutes left of an 80 -hour week that’s trying to bury me whole I'm not checked in, in fact, I'm checking out One last drink has turned into thousands of dollars It's crawled up my spine it's attacking my heart And I can say I’m halfway there, with the wrinkles on my face, with the judgements that I’ve made before my first drink, yeah, my first drink, oh my first drink The subtle irony behind my own sobriety Sitting on my ass, I don’t remember I where I am at Sitting on my ass, I don’t remember if my friends left The subtle irony behind my own sobriety
2.
You said that you couldn’t make it tonight, but that’s alright, because I’m feeling a little burnt out myself Pacing back and forth, unsure of what to do, just glad I’m free to choose between the dining or the living room What’s new? Oh, absolutely nothing, just slamming my skull against this apartment to check for lead lined walls, I think I found something I want to be alone, with you I want to be alone, with my friends too Make yourself small To fit into the room The hangings on the walls Are conversation cues So interesting, yeah I bought it at a local thing, good for you Can I get the check, can I leave, can I crawl back in bed And I don’t try to be rude, or try to be impatient But the one outgoing mark of mine is fading I’m alone, or at least I was, 'til I met you
3.
It’s easy to say that we’re selling ourselves short with a broken lamp and canceled plans to be honest I’m just tired, of being mad at the smallest things, I’m really just mad at me Pull back the curtain let the sun in, this is now the room that dad lied in, taking shifts checking breathing. A place for us to finally say goodbye It’s easy to say that we’re selling ourselves short, with splitting things, and sharing scenes, our favorite memories, to be honest I’m just tired wondering if he’d be proud Pull back the curtain let the sun in, this is now the room that dad lied in Now I have your record player, but getting it fixed feels wrong I wish you could visit my new home, and say, “nice garage” and “nice backyard” A place for us to finally say goodbye I think it’s time for me to start to try
4.
Where do you get off, ripping people off? Out of house and home, whatever’s on your lot You should run, never sign, never want to look back at the time, you almost moved to hell in a freshly painted room Peeling back the layers of this place Realizing it's second hidden face Peeling back the layers of this place Revealing that it’s another fucking fake You don’t move, I'm backing away from you You don’t move I’m backing out of this room I’m backing away from you Where do you get off, ripping people off? Out of house and home, whatever’s on your lot? You should run. Never sign, never want to look back at the time.
5.
This space has been nice, but it’s time to move on, for newer walls and finally starting a home, with you Amazing what a couple of years can repair inside Now it’s time to go outside, the changing of the seasons is real, I think I’m starting to feel, again, I’m shedding older skin, and the leaves on Lincoln are returning a familiar feeling This place has been nice, but I’m packing it up, for newer walls and finally starting a home, with you Amazing what a couple of years can repair inside Learning all these lessons again, figured out what we figured out when we were younger Teaching an old dog some new tricks, something I didn’t expect Learning all these lessons again, worked on what’s working out and planned out my second round, changing my views for the better The changing of the seasons is real, I think I’m starting to feel I’m shedding older skin, it’s time to go outside again Learning all these lessons again, figured out what we figured out when we were younger Teaching an old dog some new tricks, something I didn’t expect Learning all these lessons again, worked on what’s working out and planned out my second round, changing my views for the better
6.
Staring out the window waiting for a thing I didn’t need, 2020 hoarding of some pointless things I feel Will help me balance out, will help me figure out my memory that’s trying to become obsolete, chalk it up to the year, chalk it up to the year I know Dani is always right, when she says “take a breath, take a step back” you’re all worked up into a fuss, hey I like that word I think I’ll use it I think I’ll use it
7.
Rewind 03:32
Rewind the one time where I said I knew what I was doing Three times I changed my mind, it took my five years to gain directio Now I have no idea what I’m doing, three years is always better than some big plans Things that you thought you would finish are gone Now I’m stuck inside picking up pieces of my own crime Reclaim some pride I’ll shy away in a few days Now I have no idea what I’m doing, three years is always better than some big plans Things that you thought you would finish are gone

about

I (Never) Want To Be Left Alone tackles the subjects of social anxiety, sobriety, the loss of a parent to cancer, finding a loving partner, and more.

credits

released February 11, 2022

Written, Performed, and Engineered Avery Black

Mixed by Seth Engel

Mastered by Avery Black

Album Art by Jonah Rosselot
Album Photo by Dani Mancini
Handwriting by Caitlin Smith

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all rights reserved

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about

Routine Fuss Chicago, Illinois

Routine Fuss is a emo/punk band from Chicago, IL

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